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お巫山戯、日本語で: Halloween Spectacular–Zombie VS 3 Chibi-chans!

This entry is part 5 of 5 in the series お巫山戯、日本語で

We here at AJATT usually like to focus on the lighter side of things. But especially around Halloween, there are potential dangers that everyone should be aware of.

Trick-or-treating brings young people out on the streets after dark, leaving them vulnerable to attacks when they least expect it. And we’re not talking about people that kill cats or put razor blades in apples or poison lollipops… No, there is a much more serious threat, a threat that can easily grow to post-apocalyptic proportions if left unchecked…

We are talking, of course, about zombies.

Luckily, at least one successful escape from a would-be flesh eater has been captured on video. A few years ago in Japan, against all odds, a young boy — with a little bit of help from his sister and younger brother — saved their family from a zombie attack. As avid horror film enthusiasts, the three children were uniquely prepared with the knowledge and tools they would need. Their valiant fight was recorded by a TV camera crew who just happened to be filming at their home that night.

We present that footage here, in the hope that it can act as a kind of instructional video to help us all prepare for the unthinkable.

 「ホラー大好き3姉弟、ゾンビ撃退作戦!」 (ほらー・だいすき・さん・してい=きょうだい、ぞんび・げきたいさくせん!: “3 Horror-Loving Siblings and Their Zombie-Repelling Tactics!”)

The Night That Turned Their World Upside-Down

It was an evening just like any other evening. The family members were relaxing at home, enjoying wholesome family activities like imitating the crabwalk from the Exorcist—a “special skill” (特技・とくぎ) of the daughter.

Then all of a sudden—

外から悲鳴が・・・ (そと から ひめい が・・・)

—shrieks from outside.

The family hurried out to see what was happening, only to find

逃げ惑う近所の人々 (にげまどう きんじょの ひとびと)

panicked neighbors running down the street, fleeing from…but it couldn’t be…but yes, yes it was…

ゾンビが来た!ゾンビが来たぞ!皆が好きなゾンビが来たぞ!

(ぞんび が きた! ぞんび が きた ぞ! みんな が すきな ぞんび が きた ぞ!)

A zombie! In a tragic twist of irony, one of the children’s favorite horror film icons had come to attack their own neighborhood!

The family rushed back into their home, the youngest child, Tomo (友・とも), overcome with terror:

怖い!(こわい!)

Unfortunately, the worst was still to come. A woman from next door arrived—

近所のオバちゃんがゾンビから預かった手紙

(きんじょの おばちゃん が ぞんび から あずかった てがみ)

—with a letter from the zombie!

なんて書いてある?(なんて かいてある?)

“What does it say?” The children gathered around only to have their worst fears confirmed:

「もうすぐいきます ゾンビ」

“I’ll be there shortly.    -Zombie”

An announcement of an imminent attack—in chillingly polite Japanese!

Battle Plans

戦おう!(たたかおう!)

“Let’s fight!” The reporter rallied the children.

俺(おれ)、やるわ!

“I’ll get him!” cried Tora(虎・とら), the older brother, waving his toy machine gun by its barrel like a baseball bat.

よーし、やる気(き)になってきた!

“Atta-boy! All fired up and rarin’ to go!”

Meanwhile his older sister Rinko(凛子・りんこ) readied the traps. Pot hung above the door, check. Tape stretched across the bottom of the door frame, check.  And most importantly:

タバスコを配置(はいち)!

Tabasco sauce, CHECK.

3対1や! (さん たい いち や!)

“It’s 3 against 1!” she piped up with Kansai bravado as they took their stations.

Confidence was running high until…

タバスコ こぼす!

“You’re gonna tip over the tabasco!” warned the mother. But it was too late. The sauce spilled, unnerving Tora.

But this was no time to cry over spilled tabasco sauce. Thud, thud, thud—heavy footsteps on the stairs!

The Zombie Arrives!

来た、来た!頑張って、頑張って! (きた、きた!がんばって、がんばって!)

“He’s come, he’s come!” whispered the reporter, “Give it all you’ve got!”

Removing his shoes after entering, as Japanese zombies tend to do, the zombie

仕掛けには、全てお付き合いします (しかけ には、すべて おつきあい します)

obligingly stumbled through all the traps that had been laid. But would it be enough to stop him?!

The door creaked open…Rinko dropped the pot too soon!  In his panic, Tora threw his toy gun at the zombie and had to retreat.

But the next trap was successful! The zombie fell to his knees…

冷たい~ (つめたい~)

“It’s co-old!” He lurched up only to trip once again and plunge head first into the next trap!

With the zombie distracted…

凛子ちゃん、先回りしてサランラップスタンバイ!

(りんこちゃん、さきまわりして さらんらっぷ すたんばい!)

Rinko ran ahead into the next room to ready their secret weapon—*SARAN WRAP*

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen—

アレ血、アレ血! (あれ ち、あれ ち!)

—“That’s blood, that’s blood!” Tora bravely guided the zombie toward the “blood” on the floor…

血!? (ち!?)

“Blood?!” The zombie was all ears.

食べるんやろ! (たべるんやろ!)

“Try some!”

Tabasco bombs away! His mouth on fire, the enraged zombie turned on the children…

Backed Into a Corner

早く、早く!こっち逃げよう!そっち逃げよう! (はやく、はやく!こっち にげよう!そっち にげよう!)

“Hurry, hurry! Run over here! Run over there!”

Flinging projectiles at the zombie, the children backed into the inner room.

来い! (こい!)

“Bring it!” yelled Tora from the door, holding a toy dinosaur tied to a string above his head.

The zombie lurched closer…only to be struck back by the swinging dinosaur!

死ねよ!絶対死ね! (しねよ!ぜったいしね!)

“Die! I mean it!!”

もっと来い!もっと来い!早く!もっと来いや!

(もっと こい! もっと こい! はやく! もっと こい や!)

“C’mon! C’mon! Hurry up! Come back here for some more!” Tora was on fire! He swung the dinosaur one last time into the zombie and shut the door.

みんな、用意、用意! (みんな、ようい!ようい!)

“Everyone, get ready, get ready!” The children prepared for the final battle as the zombie pounded at the door, but a new conflict was brewing within their own ranks…

Breaking Point

友、何にもしてへんやん、自分 (とも、なんにも してへんやん、じぶん)

“Tomo, you aren’t doing anything,” the reporter complained as Tomo hid behind a stuffed animal on the bed.

And Rinko, holding the saran wrap ready, was starting to panic,

来て、みんな、お願い!こっち来て! (きて、みんな、おねがい!こっちきて!)

urging everyone to come closer to the door.

Tora shot back:

噛まれたらどうすんの!? (かまれたら どうすんの?!)

“[Come closer to the door — great idea!] And what if he bites us[, genius]?!”

グチャグチャにソレ、すんなよ!

“Don’t mess this up!” he barked.

だって、怖いもん! (だって、こわい もん!)

“But I’m scared!” she pleaded.

The reporter started telling them they’d need to work together to make it through this, but Tora couldn’t take it anymore…

全然、手伝ってないくせに!何言ってんや!そんなん言わんといて!

(ぜんぜん、てつだってない くせに! なに いってん や! そんなん いわんといて!)

“How can you say that! YOU haven’t been helping us at all! Don’t SAY that!”

俺たち、頑張ってんね!(おれたち、がんばってんね!)

“We’re doing our best!”

He was on the verge of a meltdown, but this boy was not about to back down to a filthy blood licker…Oh HELL no!

The Final Battle

俺が戦ってやる!早く、出て来い!早く!(おれがたたかってやる!はやく、でてこい!はやく!)

“I’m taking you down! Come out here already! NOW!” Tora shouted through his tears.

The zombie staggered in through the door, closer and closer…

食べてやる! (たべてやる!)

“I’m gonna eat you!” he rasped, and Tora, perched on top a pile of futons, unleashed a hail of blows onto the zombie’s head.  It was time for the…

サランラップ!

“SARAN WRAP!”

Rinko quickly handed it to Tora. Facing down the beast’s deathly jaws, he held up the secret weapon and…

よっしゃあ!

Hyah! Plastered it over the zombies face!

虎、ありがとうな

“Thanks, Tora,” Rinko said as she patted on some more.

The zombie flailed as they wound more and more saran wrap around his head, followed by with a storm of punches and kicks from behind.

The zombie collapsed to the floor and groaned under the relentless assault.

ゾンビさん、大丈夫(だいじょうぶ)ですか!?

“Are you okay, Mr. Zombie?” asked the reporter.

もうこんな家、来ない! (もう こんな いえ、こない!)

“I’ve had it with this place!” whimpered the Zombie as he headed for the door.

来い、もっとオラ! (こい、もっと おら!)

“Come here! I’m not done with you yet!” cried Tora, showering the poor zombie with blows (滅多打ち・めったうち).

But the zombie couldn’t take any more from these crazy kids.

もう二度と来ないよ! (もう にど と こない よ!)

“I’m never coming back again!” he wailed as he limped out of the house.

VICTORY!

倒したぞ! (たおした ぞ!)

“We defeated him!” cried Tora triumphantly, breaking into tears of relief and exhaustion.

みんなが頑張ったから勝ったけど… (みんな が がんばった から かった けど)

“We won ‘cause everybody did their best,” he sobbed into the microphone…

みんな協力して頑張ろうってや ゆったのに、あのな、協力してなかったな!

(みんな きょうりょくして がんばろう ってや ゆった のに、あのな、きょうりょく してなかった な!)

“But even though I told everyone to work together, they…they didn’t cooperate!”

でもよかったな 倒れたもんな (たおれたもんな)

“But it turned out all right! You defeated him!” the reporter pointed out, trying to cheer up Tora, who was now crying into his sleeve.

だれが頑張ったから? (だれ が がんばった から?)
“And it was all thanks to who?” asked the reporter to the boy who had almost single-handedly saved the day.

みんなが頑張ったから

“Thanks to everyone,” answered Tora, generously.

Conclusion

I’ll leave it to you to decide whether that night will go down as one of the best or worst memories of their childhood, but one thing is for certain—those three little horror fans will never ever forget it.

While nothing can really prepare you for a zombie attack, we hope this footage has shown you how a little bit of tabasco sauce, saran wrap and courage go a long way. And teamwork…if the rest of your family doesn’t chicken out on you.

More links:

Version with English and Chinese subs: youtu.be/oEUWG1tmg_I

Niconico version (registration required): www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm5140891

Series Navigation<< お巫山戯、日本語で: K♥a♥w♥a♥i♥i!!!

  16 comments for “お巫山戯、日本語で: Halloween Spectacular–Zombie VS 3 Chibi-chans!

  1. ガイ
    November 1, 2011 at 03:09

    hahaha amazing. thanks for doing this khatz 

    • Zpwnancer
      November 1, 2011 at 07:30

      I believe Momoko posted this. So thank you Momoko. 🙂

      • momoko
        November 1, 2011 at 10:00

        Zpwnancer et al. » Yep. I (Momoko) posted this. Thanks for reading, everyone, and sorry I’ve been AWOL for so long (it’s been, what, a year?!). ハッピー・ハロウィン!

    • アンソニー
      November 1, 2011 at 09:16

      This isn’t Khatz, its his wife Momoko!

  2. Sarkoth131
    November 1, 2011 at 08:32

    hahaha awesome.

  3. Agent J
    November 1, 2011 at 09:40

    Interesting!

  4. Carmen G
    November 1, 2011 at 10:54

    Seriously, this has to be one of the best videos I have seen in my life! I laughed so much at the 全然手伝ってないくせに!

  5. November 1, 2011 at 15:49

    This video (and post) are just filled with humor. I love it. One of my favorite videos ever. No matter how many times I watch this I laugh uncontrollably.

  6. Sophie
    November 2, 2011 at 14:04

    This was really fun to read. Thanks for doing this.

    • momoko
      November 2, 2011 at 16:29

      I’m really glad you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it^^ Gotta love that Kansai-ben (関西弁), eh?

      • ブライアン
        November 3, 2011 at 11:14

        So is this “real” 関西弁, as opposed to Tokyo-people-mocking-Kansaiben?  (I haven’t heard enough to know the difference yet…)

        • Es2Kay
          November 6, 2011 at 08:33

          Watch Lovely Complex (Anime & Live Action Movie) they’re in 関西弁

  7. November 3, 2011 at 07:37

    Whoa, I’ve always so loved this video, but having it broken down like this is quite simply, awesome-sauce. Thanks momoko.

  8. November 5, 2011 at 13:49

    This is so funny, even the parents…..Japanese zombies are polite! They take off their shoes before entering the house…heheheh

  9. GoingtoJapan
    November 16, 2011 at 01:03

    So Momoko, I assume you have achieved that which is called… Fluency in Japanese? :0

  10. Santaku
    November 17, 2011 at 11:41

    Thank you so much, Momoko.

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