Do you like DDR?

Yes?

Okay, great. I have good news for you.

You’re going to play DDR. I’m going to help you be really good at DDR.

Here, get on the machine.

Let's play!

You can even pick the song. And the difficulty. It doesn’t matter. Just pick something.

Okay, good. Now you’re playing DDR. You’re having fun, right? Because you like DDR?

Now… don’t stop for five hours.

You want to get good at this, right? Well, to do that you should play a lot. More effort = more betterness, right? I can see you’re in pain. That’s good. Just push through that pain.

What’s that? You’re tired? Too bad. This is  important. You should play DDR.

What? You don’t like DDR anymore? You’re quitting? You don’t want to play DDR ever again?

I think I’ve lost track of what I was trying to say, so let’s just hear from AJATT+ member アンソニー:

I freaking love DDR. I love dancing to the music in DDR, much like I love the content of my srs. If I were to force myself to without variation, play DDR for 5 hours every day, I would grow to hate DDR, despite the fact that the content of the game is really fun. I would also be physically exhausted, and unable to have fun playing DDR under those conditions, just as having high daily expectations of srsing everyday would mentally exhaust me, even though the contents of my srs deck is fun.

Oh, right! Thanks アンソニー. Learning Japanese should be like playing DDR, or whatever your addiction of choice is. If you force yourself to do it, for hours and hours, you’re going to hate it. But if you do it whenever you feel like it, and you quit when you want to, you’ll not only love life more, but you’ll see more improvement. Because you’ll keep going back to the game.

Trying too hard = pain = burn out = no improvement.

Treating Japanese like your favorite video game = fun = keep doing it = becoming awesome.

Always keep the Japanese going (I wish there was a catchy way to say that… like AKTJG or something… hmm, maybe it’ll come to me later), but don’t always be exerting effort. Don’t make your SRS own your whole day, or even more than an hour. Don’t do the same stuff. Give yourself variety.

Just, please…. don’t make video games a chore.

Original post here.

As you no doubt recall, the Kwanzaa Key entitles you to a 50% discount — half-motherloving-price — on all original AJATT Store digital products, as well as two non-AJATT products — Benny the Irish Polyglot‘s Language Hacking Guide: LHG and John “L2Mastery” Fotheringham’s Master Japanese: Self-Guided Immersion for the Passionate Language Learner.

AJATT Store products get their prices raised periodically, so you always save by acting early. There will be other deals, but none this sweet. Also, as I’ve mentioned previously, John and Benny, while good people on the inside, are also miserly bastards who hate giving big, fat, waddling discounts. AJATT is the only place in the known Universe where you can get a discount of this magnitude — if at all — on their products.

All you have to do to get in on this action…is join AJATT Plus today, before 2010 ends. Don’t you see? This massive discount is just one of the many benefits of being an AJATT Plus member. I’m such a good person.

You’re probably wondering “what’s with all the impure non-AJATT stuff?”. I feel your confusion. Let me tell you a little about these things.

The Language Hacking Guide: LHG

I can remember it like it was yesterday. I asked Benny, an Hibernian purveyor of human tongues, to give me an exclusive LHG discount that I could pass on to you AJATTeers; he turned around to face me, squinted, curled his upper lip and said:

“Like fekken shyte I will! Over my dead Doblin body, Khatzumoto. As long as lime-green Irish blood courses through these vains, I will never discount my products by 50 effen percent!”

And I was like: “Benjamin, are you even from Dublin?”

And he was all: “Well it’s the only reference you’ll onderstand that alliterates with ‘dead’, isn’t it Khatz?”

To which I retorted: “Fair enough, but you misspelled ‘veins’…is…is that an Irish thing, too?…Like the teabags? And Lucky Charms?”

Benny [menacingly]: “Oh, you’ll pay dearly for that one, Khatzumoto. You’ll pay dearly.”

Exit stage left.

Anyway, yeah, so Benny got really emotional, but in the end I just plied him with…I dunno…what’s another vicious Irish stereotype?…Guinness…and made him sign a legally binding agreement to give you, soon-to-be members of AJATT Plus, a massive 50% discount on his masterpiece, LHG: The Language Hacking Guide, a product that distills his 7 years of experience pwning languages into a convenient electronic package.

Alcoholism and leprechauns, baby. World peace…one abusive post at a time.

In bullet-point brief, the LHG is

• A ~200-page PDF ebook, that also includes
• An exclusive audio interview with me, Khatzumoto
• Hours of interviews with other, admittedly less handsome, “language gurus” (as they insist on being called)
• Free access to updates (new chapters, improvements, extra interviews),
• Multiple, FULL native translations of the guide, so you can get real language exposure
  • Yes, there is an awesome Japanese translation of  the guide that’s being produced by an RL friend of mine (we used to work together at Sony ). This Japanese translation will be released in March; when it comes out, you’ll get it for free as an update.

Moving swiftly on…

Master Japanese: Self-Guided Immersion for the Passionate Language Learner

John‘s guide, while also rhotic, skips over the bubbliness and EU baggage of Benny’s ¹.

What I love about John’s guide is how detailed it is, clocking it at 162 dense pages. John has the patience — that I don’t! —  to really take you by the hand and walk you through the resources you will need. If I were clueless and confused as to how and where to approach a self-directed Japanese learning project, I’d definitely want something like this that laid all the tools out in one place.

Experienced geeks like me tend to lose sight of how bewildering a new language and electronic resources can be. John has not lost that sympathy for the beginner; John wants to help you, where I want to avert my gaze from your suffering and assume that you’re an anime/computer geek who already knows where everything is, owns all kinds of media and other Japanese artifacts, and just needed advice on how to use them better.

Highlights of John’s guide include:

• The cartoon ninja logo. I cannot overstress this.
• The 162-page ebook (of course), beautifully formatted and packed with actionable information.
• Video tutorials. Video, baby.
• Interviews. Hardcore. Interviews.
  • Yet another exclusive audio interview with me, the Khatzumoto
    • I know what you’re thinking: “how exclusive can Khatzumoto interviews be if he’s forever willing to jump onto Skype, spread his lips wide open and have social intercourse with anyone who asks nicely?” ². Well…I do write far more than I talk and the discussions are free-wheeling and off the cuff — think of it as the hour-long AJATT podcasts you wish you had. I know you’ll enjoy them.
  • An even more exclusive interview with Dr. James W. Heisig himself. Yes. The man. The academic mastermind behind this rampant Japanese literacy that’s been going around.
  • More interviews with other hotshots, like Dr. Jay Rubin (Making Sense of Japanese).

In Closing

Would I rather you bought only AJATT products? Yes. But if you’re going to betray me and leave me all Natalie Imbrugliaed, hypothermic and disrobed on the floor…then you can’t really go wrong with John and Benny.

Anyway, that’s all from me for now. Go here to find out more and take advantage of this…amazing ³…offer .

I don’t even know what being tipsy has to do with the symptoms.

I’ve had it with Saturnalia. I don’t even want to talk about Saturnalia. I don’t want to hear the word “Saturnalia” for the rest of my…at least for the rest of this year and almost all of next year. From now on, I’m not even going to the word “Saturnalia”; I officially retire this word.

You know what bugs me the most about holidays like Saturnalia? The commercialization. Saturnalia’s supposed to be about loving your family, kindness, socially endorsed gluttony and socially acceptable alcoholism. It’s supposed to be about Saturn.

Instead, all you have is people hawking their wares on the Internet. All these multicultural people who come into our country and try to sell us stuff with their sesquipedalian names and funny languages and smelly food and curly hair and ironic, rambling blog posts and their…well, especially with the blog posts.

They don’t even speak proper English. Well I’ve had it, people. Enough is enough. It’s time to stand up. It’s time to take back the holiday season.

So screw Saturnalia and everyone who bought anything on Saturnalia. You know all those people who joined AJATT Plus before Saturnalia? I don’t even like them. Screw ‘em. I don’t even want to talk to them. As far as I’m concerned, they can crawl on back to where the Saturnalia don’t shine. ¹

That’s right, I said it. There’s a new holiday in town. And its name is Kwanzaa. Yes, Kwanzaa. The true holiday of my ancestors. Its rich, ancient traditions passed down lovingly from generation to generation since the very dawn of 1967. Kwanzaa is a holiday’s holiday. A holiday unsullied by crass commercialism and electronic this and Japanese that. Kwanzaa is our holiday.

And now Kwanzaa is your holiday, too. Because this Kwanzaa, I, through my magical Kwanzaa powers ², we here at AJATT Plus have take it upon ourselves to make you a miraculous offer you can’t kataa (← that’s Swahili for “refuse”…don’t hate me because I’m multilingual).

Hold on, I lost my train of thought in the fog of BS…I think there was supposed to a be a point to this whole post. Um…Crap…

Yes! Kwanzaa! Kwanzaa, Kwanzaa, Kwanzaa. Kwanzaa’s great. And Kwanzaa’s here. And Kwanzaa is now. That’s why, my dear little chillens, from today until Kwazaa festivities reach fever pitch and peter out into obscurity on the thirty-first day of December, you can get yourself a Free AJATT Plus Kifunguo Cha Dhahabu Yenye Kwanzaa Ya Uncommercialized Righteousness / AJATT Plus Golden Kwanzaa Key of Uncommercialized Righteousness.

That’s A Long Name. What’s In It For Me?

The AJATT Plus Kifunguo Cha Dhahabu Yenye Kwanzaa Ya Uncommercialized Righteousness gives you:

• 50% Off all digital products in the AJATT Store, as well as
  
• 50% Off John Fotheringham‘s brand, spanking new comprehensive guide: Master Japanese: Self-Guided Immersion for the Passionate Language Learner, and
• 50% Off Benny the Irish Polyglot‘s Language Hacking Guide: LHG

Yes, 50% off. Half plice. Keep your money!…50% of it. I don’t want it sullying Kwanzaa!

These discounts are not available anywhere else in the world. Scour the Internets, crawl through the tubes, you won’t find anything like this elsewhere. John and Benny don’t just wake up in the morning and give you half price. To my knowledge, they have never done anything on this scale, and they’re unlikely to ever do it again: they’re not fans of discounting. In fact, Benny’s prices are going up next year.

Truth be told, I mean, I don’t want to alarm you, but I actually had to kidnap Jon and Benny’s children to make this discount happen. That’s how tough a negotiator I am for you. That’s how much I care about keeping Kwanzaa pure for you. Let the kids take one for the team — Team You.

You’ll note that both John and Benny’s respective guides feature separate, exclusive interviews with me . These two interviews were done specifically for each guide, and can’t be found anywhere else. Exclamation mark.

Unclean! Why would AJATT do a tie-in with other people’s stuff? Isn’t AJATT the Supreme Truth?

Pragma over dogma. In language learning, there is no set of ideas so perfect that it can’t benefit from another set of ideas. Find out more here.

What Do I Have To Do To Get A AJATT Plus Kifunguo Cha Dhahabu Yenye Kwanzaa Ya Uncommercialized Righteousness?

All you have to do to get your AJATT Plus Kifunguo Cha Dhahabu Yenye Kwanzaa Ya Uncommercialized Righteousness is:

1. Be yourself. You’re good enough. You’re not like those Saturnalia punks.
2. Join AJATT Plus by day’s end on December 31 — the last day of Kwanzaa.
3. Start saying “an” instead of “a” when the following word starts with vowel sound. That’s an good lifelong habit to cultivate right there.

But wait, right now you’re probably thinking: “hey, I want me some of that AJATT Plus Keefoo….Kifuu…Kifunguo Cha Dhahabu Yenye Kwanzaa Ya Uncommercialized Righteousness, but what is AJATT Plus?”

I’m offended that you would even ask that. Get with the times, homeslice! You do realize you’re like the only person in the world who doesn’t know what AJATT Plus is, right? But you know what? Just to be nice, I’m going to explain it one more time.

What is AJATT Plus, really?

AJATT Plus is happiness, refined to illegally high concentrations and then either injected into your bloodstream or sucked slowly as soothing, peppermint-flavored lozenge. So, yes, AJATT Plus is AJATT on steroids. It’s got:

• Stuff
• TOLFITWTAHYIAWPAANTY: The Only Language Forum In The World That Actually Helps You Immerse And Where People Are Actually Nice To You. We call it “panty” for short.
  • The forum also features a tradespace, where you can buy/sell/trade/give away media
• AJATT Tactical articles: detailed, ground-level how-to information on immersion and SRS techniques
• Original Japanese Translations of Original AJATT articles. Lots of originality.
• Real life information — real Japanese email, AJATT.talk (raw recordings of real Japanese situations), the How To Get Into The Japanese Translation Industry series
• And then, like…other stuff
• And Cetera!

The AJATT Plus Kifunguo Cha Dhahabu Yenye Kwanzaa Ya Uncommercialized Righteousness. I want you to have it. And you can. Let me give it to you. Join AJATT Plus today. No, scratch that. Don’t join today. Take tonight to think and read more about it. Then join. And let me give you your golden key.

It begins now. It ends violently and abruptly on Dec 31. You’ve still got a couple of days. Give it a think or two.
Let’s take Kwanzaa back together, people. Let’s reclaim Kwanzaa from the jaws of commercialism. Join the fight. Join AJATT Plus.

Catch you on the Plus side,

Khatz

Annual subscription
$95.85
(26¢ per day = $7.99/month)
Click here to find out more about AJATT Plus before you subscribe.
Read the first impressions of a recent new member (Mikotoneko) here.

Six-monthly subscription
$59.95
(33¢ per day = $9.99/month)
Click here to find out more about AJATT Plus before you subscribe.
Read the first impressions of a recent new member (Mikotoneko) here.

Monthly subscription
$15.95
(53¢ per day)
Click here to find out more about AJATT Plus before you subscribe.
Read the first impressions of a recent new member (Mikotoneko) here.

PS: If you’re not sure about whether or not to join AJATT Plus…join anyway. Try it out. You can always get a refund (check out The Amazing AJATT Fo’ Shizzle 100% Refund Guarantee).

PPS: If you’re still not sure enough to even try…don’t. I mean, it’s good, but not “spend time worrying about it” good . All us hundreds of of AJATT Plusers will just have to enjoy ourselves without you.

PPPS: Seriously, if you’re not sure, don’t join. My aim is not to try to get you to do something you don’t want to do; that’s not what this is about; that’s not how I roll.

P⁴S: OK, that’s a lie — that is how I roll. That’s precisely how I roll. If you were to draw a map and label it “How Khatz Rolls: A Map”, you would inevitably come to the above conclusion.

Well, of course it is. That’s beyond question. Of course no truth can ever compare to the sublime beauty of AJATT. Wait, is that throw-up in your mouth? Are you OK?

At the same time, John, Benny and I have perspectives that are similar enough to be compatible, yet different enough to be very useful to you.

Even though AJATT is the Supreme Truth, it’s important to come into contact with Other Truths. Even AJATT has blindspots (gasp?). John and Benny give you rich detail in areas that AJATT skips over — for example, John’s guide really holds your hand and takes you through the latest digital resources; it’s comprehensive in an area where I just “pull a Linux” and blow people off.

John and Benny think thoughts that I never done thunk. They see things that I never done seen. This can only help you.

John and Benny are also clear, cut-to-the-chase and…sane. ← Yeah…I’m not so into that side of things.

Tyranny

Dependency on one source — even when that source is the Supreme Truth that is AJATT — is a form information tyranny. It’s also the source of a lot of unnecessary pain: it tends to produce dogmatic behavior. People take a minor piece of AJATT, view that piece as gospel, and proceed to hurt themselves with it.

Case in point: people thinking that they have to do 50 sentences a day just because that number comes up in AJATT. The truth is, I just threw that number out there as an example of what’s possible, not as something that’s “required”, necessary or even probable. I didn’t really give it much thought. But who knows how many Na’vi my innocent, off-the-cuff metric has killed!?

In school, I never depended solely on the assigned textbook; I always bought, brought along and used one or two extra references of my own. The different books complemented each other. They compensated for each other’s weaknesses and multiplied each other’s strengths. Often, all you need to get the most out of an idea is to hear two different explanations of it.

When you can view AJATT — and indeed any other set of ideas — as just one bright star in a constellation, then AJATT can take its proper place. You can more clearly see where the common threads are; you can more easily see what’s necessary versus what’s optional and open to interpretation. You see that there are many ways to skin the proverbial cat, and this helps you skin your cats better ¹. This democracy of ideas enables you to pick, choose and customize your learning process with more success and confidence.

The world of language learning is plagued by dogma. People cling to other people’s ideas with religious zeal. That would be fine were it not for the fact that it doesn’t help. It just creates unnecessary acrimony over what are ultimately minutiae.

Since language acquisition is not a religion, we can be agnostic about it; we can be open-minded and relativistic about it. We can pick and choose. We can use whatever works no matter where it comes from. There is beauty and value in contradicting and contrasting ideas. In language learning, there is no set of ideas so perfect that it can’t benefit from another set of ideas.

Electic, Syncretic, Intergalactic

AJATT is very eclectic. Eclectic and syncretic. And intergalactic. Krashen, AntiMoon, Heisig, Wozniak, Bandura, Hawk, Koch, Lao Zi (!), to name but a few —  all are combined here. AJATT is made up of pieces that no one else had ever put together, pieces that many people didn’t think belonged together. And that’s where its power lies — in its flexibility. Anything that works can be AJATT. No matter where it comes from.

So, for example, while AJATT is largely biased towards input, it also draws a lot of inspiration from output-based work like that of Hawk and Benny the Irish Polyglot.

Why? Because output-based methods have an urgency and an economy about them that I feel is very valuable. “Quick and dirty” output-based methods:

• Teach you to be efficient, effective and decisive.
• Teach you to prioritize, to worry less, to first learn the parts of the language that give you quickest, biggest returns.
• Give you strategies for maximizing your minimal language abilities
  • How to have fun conversations with native speakers while you still suck
  • How to communicate with a very limited vocabulary
• Bootstrap you, giving you traction and providing workable, enjoyable intermediate goals on your way to a more comprehensive, native-like fluency.

In broad terms, output is very Western (“opine!”) where input is more Eastern (“observe!”). Stereotypically, the West is results-oriented while the East is process-oriented. Both sets of ideas have their strengths. And both have massive weaknesses when taken to a pathological level — which is often inevitable when there’s no crossover. But you can combine them. You can get the best of both worlds.

That, I feel, is the way forward. Not drawing a line between uz at Khatzumoto’s dojo and those dirty rotten scoundrels, but by walking through the paper walls. Whenever you see a contradiction, see opportunity instead. See it as a chance to give birth to a third way — your way. Contradiction means freedom to choose, mix and match.

Ironically enough, most stuff that seems different is actually 90% the same anyhow. We’re all autodidacts; we all focus on having fun; we all just want to do well. That’s a lot of similarity. I say, don’t split hairs — weave them together instead. Use multiple, independent sources. See the bigger picture. See that there is room for dissent and difference of opinion — especially when that dissent is your own. Go from dogma to pragma.

Difference of religious views is good reason to burn people and books. But when it comes to language learning, it’s just a terrible waste of potential. Also, being pragmatic is way more profitable. Screw believing in stuff. Believe in these dollars, be arch. Oh…crap. Inner monologue. Dangit. Cancel. Cancel. Maybe if I make this color lighter, you’ll have trouble seeing it.

Just a quick note to let you know that the AJATT Plus Saturnalia Sale, the Last Stand before the Great Price Hike, your last chance ever to join AJATT Plus ² for less than a tenner…ends in a matter of hours. December 12 (@23:59 Japan Standard Time) is the deadline to start living the AJATT Plus-filled life you deserve, for less than a pack of Skittles a day.

So, yeah, if you’ve been thinking about it, now’s your chance to start living about…it. Hardcore, members-only information; the support of a community of hundreds of friendly, intelligent people; access to sweet discounts and freebies; wanton misuse of semicolons. It’s all here and it’s all waiting for you. The sight of a language forum that actually helps people — this is alone worth joining to see!

For more information on what this AJATT Plus/Saturnalia thing is even about, check out this thrilling info page.

Catch you on the + side ,

Khatz

Yes, AJATTeers, Saturnalia, the winter solstice festival of my Roman ancestors, is upon us. And what better way to start celebrating Saturnalia, than to give back to you, my public, you who have loved me so much and so unconditionally. ¹

“What is it, Uncle Khatzumoto?!
What is it you want to give to us,
we who have loved you so much and so unconditionally?!”, you inquire inquisitively…

Do you really want to know, or are you just being nice?
‘Coz…we don’t have to do this if you don’t have time…Right now I’m just playing self-indulgent games with words. Maybe you have other stuff to take care of.

…No? OK then. Here it is…

Drum roll…

The AJATT Plus
Last Chance
Saturnalia Sale!

As all of you are no doubt already aware, there’s this thing called AJATT Plus. It started in April of this year, and has rapidly grown into the hottest thing since being a hot thing was invented. You can’t go to any hate site without hearing excited talk of AJATT Plus and how it’s healing the sick.

For those of you not yet in the know, AJATT Plus is:

• AJATT
• followed by the word “Plus”
• …

It’s AJATT for the serious AJATTeer. AJATT for the AJATTeer who wants to grow thick, lush, Sean Connery-level linguistic hairs on her chest. Where the regular AJATT site you see here is more high-level and strategic, AJATT Plus is more grounded and tactical, typically focusing on the latest information and techniques. Not only that but you get a sweet forum full of intelligent, helpful people AND awesome, natural Japanese translations of your beloved AJATT articles. AJATT Plus also includes all kinds of premium information on how to do all kinds of grown-up stuff, like using Japanese for business purposes.

Current hot topics on AJATT Plus include:

• MCDs (Massive-Context Cloze Deletion Cards) – a powerful SRS technique that has supplanted “10,000 sentences”, and
• “How To Get Into the Japanese Translation Industry” – a self-explanatory guide to, essentially, getting paid for your AJATT awesomeness no matter where you live.

Hundreds of people are already getting thinner, prettier and smarter all because they clicked on a couple of links and joined AJATT Plus. It’s like magic. No…that’s false advertising. It is magic. Actual supernatural powers combine like in Captain Planet…AJATT Plus is like a Saturnalia miracle that happens every day you’re a member of it.

Which is why, ladies and germs, to commemorate the start of the actual Saturnalia season, this Last Chance Sale offers you a chance, a last chance, to join AJATT Plus at the insultingly, hatefully, criminally low price of $9.95 a month (that’s about 33 cents per day — less than a pack of Skittles).

The sale is good through December 12. I chose this date because it’s exactly two months and one day after my little big sister’s birthday. Do the math[s]. Yes, September 11 is my little big sister’s birthday. And, no, I don’t think it’s my fault that I made her cry by pointing that out 9 years straight; if she would just exercise some basic self-control over her tear ducts, everything would be fine.

Anyway, yeah…the price is going up to like $13.13 or $18.12 or $19.95 or something…whatever seems most ludicrous and offensive, allowing AJATT Plus to expand its horizons for you to infinity and beyond, including more multimedia content.

Oh, don’t look at me like that. Don’t come here with your self-righteous “I can’t believe you made your own sister cry; I don’t make unnecessary references to ancient pagan festivals or make my sister cry” BS. You know what? You’re nothing but a…valued customer.

So, kids, ye few, ye wretched few, ye who have not yet tasted the sweet, sweet privilege of AJATT Plusology…come get your AJATT Plus right now — at a lower price — while you still can. Take advantage of the AJATT Plus Last Chance Saturnalia Sale, because, as fellow Roman Charles Barkley once said: “there will be no rebound”.

Seriously though, the price is going up so hurry on up and join in; if you’ve been thinking about it, now’s your chance. This is it. Your last chance at happiness. And in less than a week, it’ll all be gone: never again will AJATT Plus cost less than a tenspot. Those days are numbered. Come, then. Choose happiness.

Ye few. Ye happy few. Ye band of brothers and/or she-brothers. For he today that joins AJATT Plus with me shall be my brother and/or she-brother. And wusspots sitting on the fence, shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here, and hold their (wo)manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that joined with us upon the AJATT Plus Last Chance Saturnalia Sale. Day.

December 12 is when it ends. It starts today. Take a stand. Act early. Make it happen.

Catch you on the plus side ,

Khatz

Monthly subscription
$9.95/month
(33¢ per day)
Click here to find out more about AJATT Plus before you subscribe.
Read the first impressions of a recent new member (Mikotoneko) here.

Six-month subscription
$49.95
(28¢ per day)
Click here to find out more about AJATT Plus before you subscribe.
Read the first impressions of a recent new member (Mikotoneko) here.

Annual subscription
$89.95
(24¢ per day)
Click here to find out more about AJATT Plus before you subscribe.
Read the first impressions of a recent new member (Mikotoneko) here.

PS: If you’re not sure about whether or not to join AJATT Plus…join anyway. Try it out. You can always get a refund (check out The Amazing AJATT Fo’ Shizzle 100% Refund Guarantee).

PPS: If you’re still not sure enough to even try…don’t. I mean, it’s good, but not “spend time worrying about it” good . All us hundreds of of AJATT Plusers will just have to enjoy ourselves without you.

PPPS: Seriously, if you’re not sure, don’t join. My aim is not to try to get you to do something you don’t want to do; that’s not what this is about; that’s not how I roll.

P⁴S: OK, that’s a lie — that is how I roll, but only around women and elderly people, because it makes them buy me candy. So if you’re a woman, or elderly…or an elderly woman…than please please please please please pretty please join AJATT Plus.

Anyway, as part of my Wickid Master Plan^TM to blackmail, I mean, encourage you to join AJATT Plus^TM, I’m offering you the full audiobook version of LARD — all three volumes recorded in a soothing female voice^TM — for free when you join AJATT Plus by October 5.

And if you don’t join, well…you can say goodbye to this bagful of baby kittens. That’s just how I roll, mate. No, after the October 5 deadline (and/or if you just choose not to join AJATT Plus), you can still get the LARD Audiobook for the full price of $29.95.

I’d join AJATT Plus, man. I mean, if you wanna save those kittens and a buck or two. I’m just saying, dawg, you know…lives are on the line.

Anyway, seriously though — enjoy the audiobook, and I look forward to seeing you at AJATT Plus, where the passion fruits grow sweet.

AJATT Fo-Shizzle 100% Refund Guarantee

In the infinitesimally unlikely event that this audiobook doesn’t make you incontinent with joy, you are always welcome to a full refund on your purchase . Just email refund at ajatt dot com with your name and purchase info. Subject line: “I love you, but I need a refund”. You don’t need to give a reason. I know you’ll be back.

I’ve always wanted to say “pleasure” like that, with a straight face.

What Is AJATT Plus?

It’s “AJATT” with “Plus” attached to it! What, I have to explain it to you? OK here we go…

Executive Summary: AJATT Plus =  Super Uber Cool Premium Version of AJATT = Forum +  AJATT Articles in Translated Into Japanese + Members-Only Benefits + Friends With Benefits .

To make all this work, AJATT Plus is subscription-based. This does a number of things:

• Pays for hookers and blow for Khatzumoto and Momoko, all at your expense. This is crucial. No hookers + no blow = . Not good, people.
• Forumwise, it acts as a conveniently simple barrier to people less intelligent than you, who would otherwise waste your time and flava.
• Other stuff. Like research about hookers and blow. I cannot overestimate the importance of the H&B.

Why AJATT Plus Sucks and You Should Stop Reading This Now and Never Look Back

• The name is stoopid
• You should know better than to take Japanese advice from random Kenyans on the Internet, I mean…come on, man…seriously.
• It’s too weird
• For the price of “AJATT Plus”, you could buy like at least two gallons of milk, even in Japan
  • Two gallons!
  • You then take this milk, put it on a high-sugar cereal, and BA-DA-BING! Happiness
  • Can “AJATT Plus” give you a sugar high?
  • Nooooo…
  • I mean, AJATT Plus is so bad, there are nested bullet-points about how bad it is
• AJATT products and services in general suck so hard that this one should just be called “AJATT Minus”
• Dude, what was this list even about?

So What’s In It, This “AJATT Plus”?

Here’s what you get:

• Access to AJATT Plus members-only AJATT forums (yes, forums), where you will:
  • Buy/sell/swap media
    • Save on shipping from Japan
    • Save on buying new books, DVDs, CDs, etc.
    • Make money on your used media and hardware that would otherwise go to waste
    • Put to good use media and hardware (dictionaries, etc.) that would otherwise go to waste
  • Work with other committed learners, encouraging and helping one other
  • Get cool tools, links and techniques
  • Save time spent finding and/or learning how to use cool tools, links and techniques
  • Share your techniques and experiences
  • Enjoy a safe, moderated, well-lit environment populated by polite, intelligent, good-looking, well-spoken, fun and mentally-stable human beings just like you.
  • Get your questions answered faster
• Access to AJATT Plus members-only Japanese translations of original AJATT articles (two per month).
  • Read aloud (for that audio-book feeling!)
  • Illustrated
  • Not just translated word-for-word, but “re-imagined” into Japanese to flow as if they always had been in Japanese.
  • Edited by native Japanese writers, to ensure you get the highest quality
  • With SRS packs [on selected articles only] to help you “chunk” those articles into little pieces to play winnable games on.
    • The SRS packs can also show you the multiple ways in which a single idea can be expressed.
• Get free copies and previews of AJATT products
• Get members-only discounts on AJATT products
• Get exclusive insider information on Khatzumoto’s l33t tactics and ground-level techniques, for free

Who’s It Even For, This “AJATT Plus”?

• You’ll benefit from the forums no matter what level you’re at.
• Even if you’re not learning Japanese, you’ll benefit from the forums just as you have from the AJATT Blog.
• If you’re a beginner, you’ll benefit from having other AJATT Plus members help you get your bearings and get started
• If you’re intermediate, the fact that the articles have both text and audio will be a good fit for you, especially since there are so few audiobooks in Japanese.
• If you’re advanced, well, the articles themselves will be fun, unique, quirky reading material for you.
• And finally, if you’re just looking for a simple monthly way to support AJATT …there’s always that. You like how I’m pushing this angle? Yeah.

What About People Not Learning Japanese?

Oh, you people . Just as with this blog, AJATT Plus will include a space for other languages as well.

Let Me In! Let Me Into This Exclusive Gated Community!

You can become a member of AJATT Plus in any of three simple ways:

Annual subscription
$95.85
(26¢ per day = $7.99/month)

Six-monthly subscription
$59.95
(33¢ per day = $9.99/month)

Monthly subscription
$15.95
(53¢ per day)

The Amazing AJATT Fo’ Shizzle 100% Refund Guarantee

Your happiness matters to me. I think about you every day . You can cancel your AJATT Plus membership at any time, and get a full refund on your immediate previous subscription payment. One word: “refund”, will suffice. So try it for a month and see how you feel. If you don’t like it, you can always cancel your subscription and get a refund.

Why Does AJATT Plus Cost Money? What Happened To Love Of the People?

There is a small but vocal minority of people who hate everything that costs money, even though they benefit from it. Let me address this group briefly: you don’t “need” AJATT Plus, mmm kay? In fact, you don’t “need” most of the things you have. You don’t even need a computer to do spaced repetitions — you can make paper flashcards and run the calculations by hand. More fundamentally, you don’t “need” to know Japanese…or any foreign language, for that matter. You don’t “need” a college degree…you don’t “need” jeans…unless you’re on a life-support machine, you don’t “need” electricity…none of these things are necessary.

I didn’t have AJATT Plus when I was running the original Japanese experiment that produced this site. Nor did I have Surusu, nor Twitter, nor even a website like AJATT with advice on it. It follows, then, that since these things did not exist when I was doing it, one can do without them. And one can.

But that doesn’t mean that you have to.

AJATT Plus is for you if you:

1. want it
2. enough to pay for it.

Some people just don’t want it. No problem. Some people want it, but not enough to pay for it. Again, no problem. To some people, this site is valuable, but not valuable enough to actually pay money for. “And”, as my imaginary ditzy southern California girlfriends might say, “that’s okay”.

Because most Internet forums are free, large numbers of random people can randomly come in and say random crap. Because most Internet forums are free, no one has the time or incentive to keep them moderated and maintained to the extent necessary to compensate for the openness. It is a bitter irony.

So make no mistake: the AJATT Plus price is a barrier. It keeps a lot of people out, so that that the inside of AJATT Plus is a polite, productive and safe place for you to be — a place where you can trust people with your PayPal address and your feelings. Not a place for ironic trolls with MSN email accounts to use the word “Microsoft” as an insult. </amateur economics rant>.

The AJATT blog will still be here, for free. But for those of you who are more committed, who maybe want some more cool materials and support, and/or just want an easy way to support this blog — and the hookers & blow requirements of the little family behind it — AJATT Plus is here for you, too. It would be my pleasure to host you.

Many people have joined AJATT Plus already. We’re going to have a lot of fun together backstage. AJATT Plus is already a place where we respect, encourage and help each other. The AJATT Plus forum has been designed, right from the very start, to be that rarest of things — a forum with civility. A forum dominated by people who realize that there are individual human beings with hearts on the other side of that avatar. A language forum that actually gets people making contact with their language — not merely talking about being in contact with their language. I’m excited to have you all here; it’s a big Internet and you could be anywhere else. Thank you for joining. And welcome . いらっしゃいませ。

Annual subscription
$89.95
(24¢ per day)

Six-month subscription
$49.95
(28¢ per day)

Monthly subscription
$9.95/month
(33¢ per day)

The Amazing AJATT Fo’ Shizzle 100% Refund Guarantee

Your happiness matters to me. I think about you every day . You can cancel your AJATT Plus membership at any time, and get a full refund on your immediate previous subscription payment. One word: “refund”, will suffice. So try it for a month and see how you feel. If you don’t like it, you can always cancel your subscription and get a refund.