お巫山戯、日本語で: K♥a♥w♥a♥i♥i!!!

This entry is part 4 of 5 in the series お巫山戯、日本語で

Note from Dear Leader Khatzumoto: The following post is by Momoko, and not me. Momoko likes to use language that we don’t approve of here at AJATT. It’s like she’s doing that teenage rebellion thing, but like 15 years too late…way to be on time, champ. Um…I actually tried bowdlerizing her text, but then…yeah, anyway

This is the fourth (extremely late) installment in a new (ideally) weekly series by Momoko, 「お巫山戯(ふざけ)、日本語で」, or “F***ing around in Japanese”.

お待たせ(またせ)!So sorry to keep you waiting for this week’s お巫山戯. The Khatz and I attended two big wedding parties last week, and, being the grungy T-shirts-lounge-pants-and-sneaker-wearing geeks that we are, it took a LOT of effort and focus and positive pep talks (and bribes from our friends) to get us off our lazy a**es and into formal attire. Anything formal…is like Kryptonite to us…but we did it…and it was actually incredibly fun, and we’re extremely lucky to have such awesome, patient friends. But, like I said, it took a bit of time and energy so that is why this is so late this week.

I’ve decided to take a short break from my recent obsession with potty training (I’m guessing you’d probably like to give your gag reflex a rest) and turn to something much more…pretty…and sparkling and cozy like pink hearts and glitter and fluffy bunnies!! So this week we’re going to take out our frilly Lolita umbrellas and frolic around in the magical Hello-Kitty-esque land of…

✭⋱⋆ღ♥ஐカワイイ!!!ஐ♥ღ⋆⋰ ✭

Just what exactly is 可愛い(かわいい)? Let me introduce you to some experts on the subject…

Kittens!

This little kitten (子貓/こねこ) is 可愛い…

So is this extremely sleepy (眠い/ねむい) one:

And this kitten is SUPER kawaii (超可愛い/ちょうかわいい):

Awww, ain’t that precious. 可愛くない(かわいくない)!? There’s only one thing more 可愛い than kittens…

School Girls!

Q: What do you get when you cross 可愛い with 女子高生(じょしこうせい) — those world-renowned Japanese high school girls in ultra-short-skirted (they really are, even in the winter…I’m totally in awe…no idea how they do it) uniforms?
A: 萌え(もえ)!!

And right now nothing is as 可愛い or 女子高生 or 萌え as the manga/anime series らき☆すた (“Lucky ☆ Star” — Yes, that is an actual star symbol in the middle. Get used to it! We’re not in Kansas anymore…)

Now, I’m warning you. The intro song, もってけ!セーラーふく (Work that sailor uniform!), is like 可愛い ON STEROIDS. Brace yourself, okay? Here’s the full/extended version, complete with Japanese lyrics (thank you tanigutanigu!):

(You can find copy-and-pasteable lyrics for the whole song here.)

I know, I know, I was a bit shell-shocked when I heard that song for the first time, too.

If you want a closer look at what hit you back there, here are the opening lyrics in all their stupefying glory. For the (rough) translation, I relied on the extremely helpful line-by-line explanation provided by a knowledgeable fan here (助かりました、パトリシア=マーティンさん!), the English subtitles from the video clip we’ll get to in just a minute (thanks gleipnir2!), and Khatz’s suggestions (ありがとう、ダーリン! (^з^)-☆):

曖昧(あいまい)3(さん)センチ Give or take 3 cm
そりゃぷにってコトかい? You saying I’m chubby?
ちょっ! Hey!
らっぴんぐが制服(せいふく)・・・ Wrapped in a uniform…
だぁぁ不利(ふり)ってこたない It’s not so bad
ぷ。 Pooh!
がんばっちゃ♥やっちゃっちゃ Just work it ♥ And do it
そんときゃーっち&Release Then “catch and release”
ぎョッ Gotcha!
汗(あせ) (Fuu) 々(あせ) (Fuu) Sweaty (Whoo!)
の谷間(たにま)に Cleavage
Darlin’ darlin’ F R E E Z E!! (Makes life “hard” for the guys!)

It’s like peering into the jaws of madness, no?

Guess what? Most Japanese people feel completely lost, too. Here is just a sampling of the online comments I came across when I was sweating blood trying to understand and translate the lyrics:

深く(ふかく)考えちゃ(かんがえちゃ)いけない歌詞(かし)だ
These are lyrics you just can’t think too hard about.

深く考えないで まいっか(=まあいいか)
Don’t think too hard about it. F*** it.

ぅん!!考えちゃだめだこの歌(うた)は!!聞く(きく)に限る(かぎる)!!
Yeah!! You better not think about this song!! Just listen to it!!

And of course, the predictable

萌えーーーーー

from a smitten geek.

I even stumbled upon this hilarious mock-conspiracy-theory “exposé” that reveals how the mysterious lyrics encode information about the coming annihilation of humanity (人類滅亡/じん・るい・めつ・ぼう) in World War III (第三次世界大戦/だい・さん・じ・せ・かい・たい・せん)! (It’s even illustrated like a manga with awesome ASCII art. If you need one reason to learn Japanese, this is it…)

Why is it so hard for even Japanese people to understand the lyrics? Because under the breezy surface of this cute little song lies a Pandora’s box chock-full of school girl slang, clever word play and sexual innuendo. Linguistically speaking, this is some dope shi**.

So let us take the advice of our Japanese betters. Just roll with it. (Or invent your own conspiracy theory.) Do NOT try to make it make sense. Just listen. Sing along. To preserve your sanity.

Now let’s skip past that really fast part to the chorus…

もっていけ! Take it away!
最後(さいご)に笑(わら)っちゃうのは I’ll be the one laughing in the end!
あたしのはず
セーラーふくだからです←結論(けつろん) ‘Cause it’s a sailor uniform. Duh!
月曜日(げつようび)なのに! It’s only Monday
機嫌(きげん)悪い(わるい)の And already I feel lousy!
どうするよ? What to do?
夏服(なつふく)がいいのです I’d rather wear my summer clothes.
←キャ? ワ! イイv So cute!
接近(せっきん)3(さん)ピクト Almost to “third base” (!)
するまでってちゅーちょだ Don’t know if I’ll make it…
やん☆ Tee hee!
がんばって はりきって Work it! To the limit!
My Darlin’ darlin’ P L E A S E!! My darlin’, darlin’, please!!

Wow. It doesn’t get much more 可愛い than “キャ? ワ! イイv” (“v” = the “v”-shaped peace/victory sign you make with your fingers…I think).

And, finally, here for your viewing entertainment and CULTURAL EDIFICATION is the first episode. In the main scene (starting at about 2 minutes into the clip), three of the four main characters — こなた (「こなちゃん」, the tomboyish one with blue hair), つかさ (the purple-haired one with a bow in her hair; her twin sister, かがみ, has pig tails), and みゆき (the overly polite, pink-haired one with glasses) — fret over the best ways to eat various pastries: a chocolate-filled cornet (チョココロネ/チョココルネ); a cream puff (シュークリーム); a piece of strawberry shortcake (イチゴショート); a popsicle (アイス); and a (soft-serve) ice cream cone (ソフトクリーム). Enjoy:

(Is it just me, or is there something…a bit “Freudian”…about this scene? But, hey, it could just be me… I mean, what IS the best way to suck out the creamy contents of various phallic-shaped desserts? These are important philosophical questions!!)

The central question here, as posed by こなた, is which side you should eat the chocolate cornet from:

こなた: ね、つかさ、チョココロネってどこから食べる(たべる)?

つかさ postulates that you start from the “head”:

つかさ: 頭(あたま)からかな。

こなた: そうっか。

Okay… So the next logical question would be, which end is the head: the fat one or the thin one?

こなた: ところでさ、頭ってどっち、太い(ふとい)方(ほう)と細い(ほそい)方(ほう)?

つかさ opts for the thin end:

つかさ: 私(わたし)はこっちの細い方が頭だと思う(おもう)んだけど。

This suprises こなた, who has always thought the fat end was the “head”:

こなた: あっそうか。あたしは太った(ふとった)方(ほう)が頭だと思った(おもった)よ。

When こなた asks つかさ why she takes the former position,

こなた: でも何(なん)で細い方が頭?

つかさ argues that the chocolate cornet looks like a seashell:

つかさ: だって貝(かい)みたいじゃない?

And when つかさ turns the question back on こなた,

つかさ: こなちゃんは何で太った方?

こなた offers the counter-argument that the cornet looks like a caterpillar (literally, “potato bug”),

こなた: だってさ、芋蟲(いもむし)みたいじゃん。

grossing out つかさ:

つかさ: えっ!芋蟲!?

Upon which こなた agrees that the seashell model is much more appetizing:

こなた: まあ、でもそう考える(かんがえる)と貝の方(ほう)がイメージいいね。

This model turns out to be more elegant in theory than in practice, however. When Konata bites the thin end, the chocolate filling squeezes out of the fat end, and she has to keep turning it around to lick the extra chocolate before it falls out.

At which point, the perfectionist Miyuki has to intervene…

みゆき: あ、あの・・・
こなた: ん?

She offers a third, compelling (if perhaps complicated) solution to the problem:

みゆき: 細い方が千切って(ちぎって)、余った(あまった)チョコを付けて(つけて)食べるという食べ方(たべかた)も・・・

You can also break off the thin end and dip it in the extra chocolate (from the fat end)…

つかさ: なるほどね!

Eureka! Seems to make sense.

But after a detour into how to eat curry rice (カレーライス), what condiments to use on what dishes, and different ways of eating egg and meat dishes, Konata realizes

こなた: あっ。ところで、太い方と細い方、どっちがチョココロネの頭?

she still isn’t sure which end of the cornet is the “head”…

So, comrades, let me turn this dilemma over to you: what do YOU think the best way to eat a chocolate cornet is? And which end is the “head”?

Next up, the only thing more 可愛い than school girls is:

School Boys!

(to be continued next week…)

Series Navigation<< お巫山戯、日本語で: Who’s Afraid of the Big, Bad Squatty Potty?お巫山戯、日本語で: Halloween Spectacular–Zombie VS 3 Chibi-chans! >>

  14 comments for “お巫山戯、日本語で: K♥a♥w♥a♥i♥i!!!

  1. Carl
    June 1, 2010 at 01:57

    I broke my timebox because I couldn’t stop reading 😉 I always wondered whether anyone could make sense of those intros..
    Looking forward to the next article^^ Oh yeah, and intuitively I would vote for the thin end being the head

  2. Carl
    June 1, 2010 at 03:26

    For anyone who likes pictures to go with their SRS cards: www18.tok2.com/home/ryukoso/62-1.htm
    That said, I hope I am not the only one who SRSes that.. but it’s important cultural information! Why didn’t anybody tell me there is a チョココロネ? :->

  3. June 1, 2010 at 06:48

    チョココロネは食べたことないけど、ソフトクリームは下から食べて吸うよね。特にシューガーコーンはそうする。

  4. Koneko
    June 1, 2010 at 14:19

    XD This is awesome. And I liked the third cat video. It was cute XD Or… Should I say かわいい?

  5. June 1, 2010 at 23:59

    way too much cuteness in this post…I just couldn’t finish lol

  6. Brianna
    June 2, 2010 at 11:12

    I’m not sure about the anime itself, but I think that at least the theme song has been 流行ってる in Japan for a little while. Even I (as an unhip 24-year old a non-anime fan who doesn’t watch TV) have heard/been linked it sporadically in the last few weeks, and I was surprised yesterday to notice that it was selectable in that taiko arcade game!

  7. Brianna
    June 2, 2010 at 15:11

    correction: After a bit of research, it seems that it was 流行っている in 2007, and I heard/was linked this theme song lately by coincidence ^^;;

    Thanks for making me take this show seriously… I couldn’t get past the theme song before, but once you do, the show makes great study (particularly shadowing) material. The dialogue is so natural yet easy to hear.

  8. パウラ
    June 2, 2010 at 22:22

    When did that theme song come out?
    I think my friend showed it to me a long time ago, but I’m not sure ◎△◎
    I think I actually enjoyed it more then than now (笑)
    Anyway, this was interesting… and way, way, too cute xDD

  9. Ashley
    June 2, 2010 at 22:48

    I loved this post! Please continue! 🙂

  10. UnholyBurger
    June 3, 2010 at 13:03

    I am so confused right now. I see this all the time “ちょwwww” which I assumed was short for ちょっと (excluding the lol’s of course). but sometimes they will use the kanji “超”. is this just misspelling on their part? because I know ちょっと before something means like “a little” (got that from nacho libre when jack black said he was ちょっとでぶ(I think) and everyone was like “ちょっと?!www”) What I am trying to get at is “And this kitten is SUPER kawaii (超可愛い)” threw me off. Not saying anyone is wrong, I would just like some clarification on this subject.

  11. Peeled Cucumber
    June 4, 2010 at 10:33

    @UnholyBurger

    This should clear it up:

    dictionary.goo.ne.jp/leaf/jn/223190/m0u/%E8%B6%85/

    Japanese has too many words/phrases that sound identical to worry about pin-pointing a meaning to anything written in kana (like ちょ). Instead, just kick-back and let the context make everything clear.

  12. June 7, 2010 at 16:47

    UnholyBurger,
    「ちょ」 and 「超」 are two totally different words. 「ちょ」 is indeed the shortened form of ちょっと, but people only use it as an exclamation. You can’t say 「ちょ デブ」 instead of 「ちょっとデブ」.
    On the other hand 「超」 means something like “super-” and it has to go before another word.

  13. Peeled Cucumber
    June 8, 2010 at 08:53

    Careful nacest, in addition to ちょっと, ちょ can also be used for 超, like ちょ楽 (it’s slang, but see link above). It’s probably best to let context choose which meaning is intended.

  14. Chiro-kun
    September 10, 2010 at 02:25

    >>ஐ
    あっこれタミル語の文字ね。
    どうやって入ったんか…..

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