People of the AJATT, hear me! As you may have guessed from my many inspirational posts, I am a deeply pious man. And right now is a time of year of great religious significance. A time to celebrate. A time to reflect. A time to gather with loved ones and break bread. The most wonderful time of the year. I refer, of course, to Saturnalia.
Yes, AJATTeers, Saturnalia, the winter solstice festival of my Roman ancestors, is upon us. And what better way to start celebrating Saturnalia, than to give back to you, my public, you who have loved me so much and so unconditionally. 1
“What is it, Uncle Khatzumoto?!
What is it you want to give to us,
we who have loved you so much and so unconditionally?!”, you inquire inquisitively…
Do you really want to know, or are you just being nice?
‘Coz…we don’t have to do this if you don’t have time…Right now I’m just playing self-indulgent games with words. Maybe you have other stuff to take care of.
…No? OK then. Here it is…
The AJATT Plus
As all of you are no doubt already aware, there’s this thing called AJATT Plus. It started in April of this year, and has rapidly grown into the hottest thing since being a hot thing was invented. You can’t go to any hate site without hearing excited talk of AJATT Plus and how it’s healing the sick.
For those of you not yet in the know, AJATT Plus is:
- followed by the word “Plus”
It’s AJATT for the serious AJATTeer. AJATT for the AJATTeer who wants to grow thick, lush, Sean Connery-level linguistic hairs on her chest. Where the regular AJATT site you see here is more high-level and strategic, AJATT Plus is more grounded and tactical, typically focusing on the latest information and techniques. Not only that but you get a sweet forum full of intelligent, helpful people AND awesome, natural Japanese translations of your beloved AJATT articles. AJATT Plus also includes all kinds of premium information on how to do all kinds of grown-up stuff, like using Japanese for business purposes.
Current hot topics on AJATT Plus include:
- MCDs (Massive-Context Cloze Deletion Cards) – a powerful SRS technique that has supplanted “10,000 sentences”, and
- “How To Get Into the Japanese Translation Industry” – a self-explanatory guide to, essentially, getting paid for your AJATT awesomeness no matter where you live.
Hundreds of people are already getting thinner, prettier and smarter all because they clicked on a couple of links and joined AJATT Plus. It’s like magic. No…that’s false advertising. It is magic. Actual supernatural powers combine like in Captain Planet…AJATT Plus is like a Saturnalia miracle that happens every day you’re a member of it.
Which is why, ladies and germs, to commemorate the start of the actual Saturnalia season, this Last Chance Sale offers you a chance, a last chance, to join AJATT Plus at the insultingly, hatefully, criminally low price of $9.95 a month (that’s about 33 cents per day — less than a pack of Skittles).
The sale is good through December 12. I chose this date because it’s exactly two months and one day after my little big sister’s birthday. Do the math[s]. Yes, September 11 is my little big sister’s birthday. And, no, I don’t think it’s my fault that I made her cry by pointing that out 9 years straight; if she would just exercise some basic self-control over her tear ducts, everything would be fine.
Anyway, yeah…the price is going up to like $13.13 or $18.12 or $19.95 or something…whatever seems most ludicrous and offensive, allowing AJATT Plus to expand its horizons for you to infinity and beyond, including more multimedia content.
Oh, don’t look at me like that. Don’t come here with your self-righteous “I can’t believe you made your own sister cry; I don’t make unnecessary references to ancient pagan festivals or make my sister cry” BS. You know what? You’re nothing but a…valued customer.
So, kids, ye few, ye wretched few, ye who have not yet tasted the sweet, sweet privilege of AJATT Plusology…come get your AJATT Plus right now — at a lower price — while you still can. Take advantage of the AJATT Plus Last Chance Saturnalia Sale, because, as fellow Roman Charles Barkley once said: “there will be no rebound”.
Seriously though, the price is going up so hurry on up and join in; if you’ve been thinking about it, now’s your chance. This is it. Your last chance at happiness. And in less than a week, it’ll all be gone: never again will AJATT Plus cost less than a tenspot. Those days are numbered. Come, then. Choose happiness.
Ye few. Ye happy few. Ye band of brothers and/or she-brothers. For he today that joins AJATT Plus with me shall be my brother and/or she-brother. And wusspots sitting on the fence, shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here, and hold their (wo)manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that joined with us upon the AJATT Plus Last Chance Saturnalia Sale. Day.
December 12 is when it ends. It starts today. Take a stand. Act early. Make it happen.
Catch you on the plus side 😉 ,
PS: If you’re not sure about whether or not to join AJATT Plus…join anyway. Try it out. You can always get a refund (check out The Amazing AJATT Fo’ Shizzle 100% Refund Guarantee).
PPS: If you’re still not sure enough to even try…don’t. I mean, it’s good, but not “spend time worrying about it” good 😀 . All us hundreds of of AJATT Plusers will just have to enjoy ourselves without you.
PPPS: Seriously, if you’re not sure, don’t join. My aim is not to try to get you to do something you don’t want to do; that’s not what this is about; that’s not how I roll.
P4S: OK, that’s a lie — that is how I roll, but only around women and elderly people, because it makes them buy me candy. So if you’re a woman, or elderly…or an elderly woman…than please please please please please pretty please join AJATT Plus.
- You figure I would have stopped talking like this around the end of the first paragraph, but it’s never quite that simple here at AJATT, is it? ↩