Update@2012-01-15: It’s not Valentine’s Day anywhere on Earth any more, so this product is no longer available. But maybe you’ll see it again in 2013 😛 .
It’s Valentine’s Day, mofo!
That’s right. Singles Awareness Day. The day when single people become painfully aware of their singleness.
Or not. Whatever. Anyway. Yeah. Valentine’s Day. VD 1. Sex, chocolate and…sexy sentences.
What more appropriate day to release the most inappropriate AJATT product ever created.
The Moë Sentence Pack
The Moë Sentence Pack will be available only on February 14, Earth time. It’s that dangerous. It’s that hardcore. It’s that sexy. And it’s that sinful. This is not your father’s sentence pack. Your father would blush at its content. Yeah, it’s so bad that it’s the one your mother keeps in secret, at the back of the closet, behind the good shoes she never wears, in the circular Louis Vuitton box 2. This thing is dynamite. And so it will not be for sale on any other day, and may not be for sale ever again. Because I can’t just have content like this just flying around AJATT.com.
Truth be told, I’m actually not a prude — I laugh a little too hard at Quagmire in Family Guy for that to be true — but I do have a carefully constructed, clean-cut, prudish image to protect. Think of me as your local priest or politician: lascivious things are happening, but we’re certainly not advertising the fact. I don’t go around talking about how I’m constantly involved with hookers and blow, because talking about that kind of thing is just in poor taste. So, hypocritical as it may seem (read: is), I can’t just have content like this just flying around AJATT.com.
In fact, I’m so image-conscious that I actually didn’t even make the Moë Sentence Pack. I didn’t. Some chick I know 3 — Momoko — did. It was her idea. She made it. She had the moral degeneracy to come up with the idea, did the research and compiled it from raw Japanese sources. And then, despite advertising it briefly (and under protest), I totally put a lid on it. It was too risqué, too ヤバい, too raunchy. I simply couldn’t bring myself to sell it. In fact, I almost nixed it this time around too. The Moë Sentence Pack has thus been created, but never sold. Because it’s that raunchy. Because I can’t just have content like this just flying around AJATT.com.
The MoëSP continues in the illustrious tradition of My First Sentence Pack (MFSP), giving you real Japanese as it’s used by, for and among actual Japanese people. No Japanese for foreigners here. No whitewashing here. This is…this is 玄米, baby. This is wholewheat Japanese, not the wonderbread kind they try to shove down your throat in so-called institutions of learning around the world.
This is not that kind of website. But the MoëSP is that kind of sentence pack. It’ll be available on one day and only on one day — February 14 — and if I get too many compaints about how hardcore it is, it might never be released again. Feb 14, 2012 is the first time it’s being made available for direct sale 4, and may well be the last. Momoko’s hippy liberationism be damned: some of us have a priestly politician image to protect. I can’t just have content like this just flying around AJATT.com.
Also! Mofo. Also. Because I don’t want too many people to get their hands on the MoëSP, only 100 copies will be made available. Keep in mind that, apparently, thousands of people visit this cruddy little website every day. Once those copies sell out, even if it’s still Feb 14, no more copies will be made available. Why? ‘Coz I can’t just have content like this just flying around AJATT.com.
So let’s say you’ve come this far, you’re adventurous, you like it a little…you know…titillating….a little prurient…a little Quagmirey, and you want a copy of the MoëSP. Now what? Well, just to be nice, I’m giving away not one, not two, not three but four free bonuses with each copy of the MoëSP:
- 1 free month of AJATT Plus — premium multimedia AJATT content combined with access to the AJATT+ Forum: The Most Intelligent, Civilized and Trolless Forum in the Multiverse (for free!)
- Your AJATT Plus subscription will automatically continue beyond the first, free month unless you cancel it.
- 1 free copy of “MCD 101: 101 Reasons Why You Should Switch to MCDs: Learn About the Secret Technique That Has Killed, Pwned and Destroyed Sentences (All 10,000 of Them)” (for free, yo).
- The original 10,000 Sentences method is long (it’s a long, currently AJATT Plus/SilverSpoon-exclusive story), but sentence packs are still awesome and can easily be used to make MCDs.
- 1 lifetime (yes, lifetime) of free, instant access to MoëSP extensions and updates (for free, playa!)
- 1 free smile…not in real life, but in my heart, where smiles and other wanton emotional displays belong (for free, son 5! a free smile for free! ← WOW 6).
And so it came to pass that you buy 1 big thing (the MoëSP), but you get 4 big things (and that’s not even counting the free smile!).
Win, win, win, win right?
Oh, who am I kidding? What a load of bull. I lied. I’m lying. It’s all a lie. I’m not giving away those premo freebies 7 because I’m nice (I’m not nice). I’m doing it to kind of ease the shock of how hardcore the MoëSP is. I want to mitigate its effect a bit. Because it’s that shocking.
So, just in case the MoëSP is too real for you, too much for you, which it might well be, at least you have these nice, tame freebies to ease the…psychological trauma of what you’re about to read.
The Moë Sentence Pack: The Most Dangerous and Sinfully Sexy Sentence Pack Ever Created. Available only on February 14 (Earth Time) because I can’t just have content like this just flying around AJATT.com.
Enjoy. And. Happy VD 8. Giggity, giggity, giggity.
PS: Technically, the Moë Sentence Pack isn’t 萌え (moë). I’m afraid it’s nowhere near that tame. The MoëSP is, in fact, エロい (eroi). I just couldn’t bring myself to call it the Eroi Sentence Pack. I…yeah. We’ve discussed this already. Image and stuff. Can’t just have…etc., etc.
PPS: For your safety, there are no images in the MoëSP. The text is wild enough. And extremely NSFW.
PPPS: Seriously. If you want to have any innocence left, don’t buy this. And if you’re under 18, definitely don’t buy this. In fact, let’s just pretend it doesn’t exist and close this chapter of AJATT histor, shall we?. We can just act like this whole thing never happened, huh? How about it? It’s probably sold out anyhow.
Fo’ Shizzle Refund Guarantee
Hey. I don’t even want to sell this sentence pack. It’s too hardcore. As far as I’m concerned, the world would be a better place if this thing simply didn’t exist. Plus, I mean, I can’t just have content like this just flying around. If you don’t like it, keep your copy and ask me for a full refund. Just send an email to refund at ajatt dot com with the subject line: “I love you. You’re so handsome and beautiful. I just want a refund for the MoëSP. I promise I’ll be back.”.
- What? ↩
- Coz your Mom is shallow! Haha j/k. OR AM I? And why do I know so much about your mother? ↩
- no… ↩
- Long-time AJATT+ members briefly had a whack at it ages ago…that came out wrong…as a special thank-you to them ↩
- unisex “son”…it’s an urban thing; you wouldn’t understand ↩
- !!! ↩
- (plus the smile! don’t forget the smile!) ↩
- Valentine’s Day! Mind out of gutter, people! Mind out of gutter… ↩