You deserve better.
I don’t really think that. But it totally sounded like the kind of thing that would stroke your ego. So I said it.
I’ll tell you what I do really think, though.
Classes suck. It’s a fact. I know it. You know it. We all know it.
But they have their strengths. They do. That’s also a fact.
In class, all you have to do is show up. Someone else makes the tough choices. Someone else makes all the important decisions. They decide both strategy and tactics. They even handle scheduling for you. They have the big and small picture in their heads, and they give it to you piece by piece. You just kick back and do your part.
So what’s the problem?
Well, at least three things.
They have crappy taste in, like, everything.
They bore you to effing death.
They don’t take responsibility for the results.
You could do every little boring thing they say to do in a class and still not know any real Japanese. And what happens? “Well, Japanese is Asian and hard”, they say. The old “bait and switch”.
Bollocks. That’s bollocks.
You deserve better.
I mean it this time.
Let’s play a game of “what if”.
What if you could have all the benefits of a Japanese class with none of the drawbacks?
What if learning a language could be a series of short, fun, refreshing sprints, rather than some long, drawn-out endless marathon?
What if learning a language for real — to fluency, to high-level proficiency — could have a clear, meaningful, reachable, specific endpoint?
What if someone could tell you, down to the day, when you would be fluent, and then lead you every step of the way the way there, and make sure you actually got there, just like a physical roadtrip?
It took me 18 months to get to the point in Japanese where I could function like an adult — read documents, talk about technical stuff, do job interviews, all in Japanese. That’s about 540 days. The extra 10% on 595 days is to factor in procurement, “mindset flip” and habit-building time.
I am not better than you. I am not smarter than you. Anyone could do it.
So why doesn’t everyone do it?
Smart, perfectionistic people cannot do tortoise math.
Tortoise math isn’t normal math. Tortoise math is the math of tortoises — you know, the kind that race hares.
The ability to do tortoise math and the ability to do regular math are completely unrelated.
Tortoise math requires a level of faith and emotional silence that you don’t have time for right now.
Smart people can’t do tortoise math.
You can’t do tortoise math. You’re too smart. You’re too clever. You’re too quick on your feet. You’re too emotionally unstable. Too perfectionistic.
Emotions. You feel lost. You feel overwhelmed. You don’t know if what you’re doing is right or even effective. And because the more you know the more you know you don’t know, you start to feel like you’ll never get there. You lose hope. You give up.
Emotions lead to a loss of momentum. And when you don’t have momentum, you have nothing. Loss of momentum kills the entire process of becoming awesome at Japanese.
Let me repeat myself.
You haven’t had trouble becoming awesome at Japanese because you’re not smart enough. You’ve had trouble learning Japanese because you’re too smart. You use your intelligence to defeat yourself. I’m not just trying to flatter you here (I am kinda; this is sales copy; I’m trying to suck up to you to in order to sell you something; that’s just fact).
You’re too smart for your own good. You’re too smart to see and appreciate the blindingly small and obvious, because the small and the obvious are too small and too obvious to be intellectually interesting to you. You’re too smart to focus your energy; you’re too smart to do tortoise math.
You’re like Cyclops from X-Men. You have laser eyes. And your laser eyes (=mental power) are shooting death beams of powerful, misdirected energy all over the room and your life.
That’s why I’ve made you a visor. I want you to have this visor. I want you to have this thing that will focus your figurative laser eyes — your energy — onto the one teeny, tiny thing you need to right now.
I’m not smart like you are. I’m simple. I’m slow on the uptake. I do tortoise math. I do the obvious. And now I’m going to do tortoise math for you, so you don’t have to.
Learning Japanese is a matter of engineered inevitability. It is the inevitable result of heading in a certain direction. Like an idiot.
The problem is, you don’t have the time and faith to engineer inevitability for yourself. And you’re too smart to stay focussed.
So I’ve gone and done the focussing and engineering for you.
- Are you inspired by all the information on AJATT but unsure how to start and what to actually do?
- Do you feel overwhelmed by all the things going on in your life?
- Are all these effing questions starting sound like a Xanax commercial?
- Do you wish that someone could be there for you every step of the way, like a parent or big brother or Mr. Miyagi?
- Do you wish someone else would do all the worrying and big-picture thinking and planning and strategizing for you?
- Do you want the security of knowing you’re doing stuff that actually works, that you’re on the right track? Every day? Until you’re fluent? No leaving you alone?
- Do you wish you could abdicate responsibility of handling the structure and scheduling of your learning, while enjoying the freedom of choosing the content?
- Are you overloaded with good ideas but underloaded with action?
- Do you just want clear, simple, straightfoward, easy directions and validation?
- Do you want someone who won’t bait and switch on you, who’ll take responsibility for your fluency, for getting you there?
If that sounds like you, then maybe you need to be spoonfed. Maybe you need AJATT SilverSpoon.
Hold on a sec, though. Before I even tell you what AJATT SilverSpoon is, first, let’s get something out of the way.
Who Shouldn’t Sign Up For AJATT SilverSpoon
- Brew their own beer
- Write their own operating systems
- Sew their own clothes
- Just generally like doing stuff without any help from anyone
- Use Linux on principle, even when it makes better sense not to
- Hate everything
- Don’t know what “AJATT” stands for
- Aren’t willing to let go and let Khatz (WTF?) 😛
Again, I’m only sucking up to you so hard right now because this is a product, okay? So if the idea of buying stuff offends you, please, stop reading this right now. It only gets worse from here.
Besides, not everyone is cut out for being spoonfed. And that’s fine. That’s mmm kay. Here. Here’s a hyperlink that takes you somewhere else.
OK. So I see you’re still here. Maybe you’re interested in finding out what this is. But, again, just to be sure let’s make sure you’re a good fit for this.
Who Should Sign Up For AJATT SilverSpoon
People who are:
- Have had several failed attempts at learning Japanese — keep starting and stopping, binging and purging (“bulimic learning”), three-day monk syndrome
- Get overwhelmed easily
- Use Mac or Windows
- Use Linux as a tool rather than a religion
- Have fast, reliable Internet access (duh 😛 )
- Have $150~$250 a month available for purchasing:
- Japanese media (books, music, movies, TV shows) and
- tools (electronic dictionary, extra mp3 player, VPN access to Japan, etc.)
If you’re not most of those things, then AJATT SilverSpoon probably isn’t for you. It isn’t. I wish it were, but it’s not. Don’t waste your time reading the rest of this. Go do the other stuff you had planned for today.
OK, so it looks like you’re still here. It looks like you might really, really be AJATT SilverSpoon type. Let’s tell you what it is then.
So What is AJATT SilverSpoon Anyway?
AJATT SilverSpoon is a thing that spoonfeeds you. I don’t know how much more simple I can make it than that 😀
AJATT SilverSpoon doesn’t just tell you what to do and then leave you hanging. SilverSpoon sticks with you. Like…a smothering, overprotective suburban mother. Wait, no…bad. Anyway…
AJATT SilverSpoon is designed to take you to Japanese fluency painlessly, straightfowardly and with ruthless, engineered inevitability. It takes all the ideas you’ve read and heard about here on AJATT and breaks them down into tiny, simple, straightforward, delicious, daily chunks. Every day, it feeds you just one day-sized bag of chunks.
You don’t have to worry about the big picture any more. SilverSpoon does the worrying for you, chunking and scheduling everything from when and which kanji to learn, to learning how to use an SRS, and even down to your media and equipment purchases.
SilverSpoon is AJATT sliced, systematized, streamlined, bagged and delivered to you on a platter. And then spoonfed to you. It combines the best electronic tools available with original proprietary software, specialized content and diabolically effective techniques from behavioral psychology. It is as close to putting everything in one proverbial box as the world has ever come. It is the AJATT you always wanted.
AJATT SilverSpoon will make you fluent in Japanese in 595 days. 595 days. That’s just 85 weeks.
“But what does ‘fluent’ even mean?”, some people say. Come on. Come now. We all know what “fluent” means. It means “awesome”. It means functioning like an adult. Reading, talking, watching, listening and writing to people who matter to you, on subjects that matter to you. It means you can read a random newspaper article aloud and understand a random TV show and talk to a random person on the phone.
AJATT SilverSpoon will make you fluent in Japanese in 595 days. It will take you there. All you have to do is sign up, empty your mind, and do ridiculously easy things. Thinking, planning and worrying? That’s SilverSpoon’s job.
In a way, it’s kinda sorta almost like a course, except not gay (that’s Swahili for “Black Jewess”, by the way).
It would be easy to throw you a book or a website (like this one!) or a video and be like “read this”, “watch that”.
But we all know that that’s not going to work, don’t we? You’re busy. We all know that you’ll probably forget to come back to them. Or you’ll stop halfway through. Or you’ll read them, but then gradually forget about their contents.
SilverSpoon won’t let you go. It won’t let you forget. It’ll make everything too small, too easy, too much fun, too straightforward to be too busy for.
AJATT SilverSpoon: What You Don’t Get
- Content/media — actual Japanese books, movies
- Supplementary materials — extra books (e.g. for kanji stroke order), stationery
- Equipment — mp3 players, DVD player, video game consoles
AJATT SilverSpoon: What You Do Get
Every day, AJATT SilverSpoon spoonfeeds you clear, detailed, chunked down, chewed up, simplified, minified instructions on:
- What to do
- How to do it
- Where to do it
- What to use
- How to use it
- What to read
- What to watch
- What to learn
- When and where to learn it
- How long to learn it for
- What to buy
- Where to buy it
- When to buy it
In short, AJATT SilverSpoon manages and spoonfeeds all major areas for you, including:
- Scheduling: easing you painlessly into awesomeness, with easy steps and funny, gentle reminder to keep you on track. Stop looking at me like that, they are funny!
- Immersion: Low-effort, high-result immersion management
- Procurement and Purchase Scheduling: What, where, when and how to get the media and equipment you need
- Kanji: target kanji lists — exactly which kanji to learn when; you don’t have to think, you only have to focus on what SilverSpoon spoonfeeds you
- Vocabulary: Frequency-based target vocabulary lists — detailed instructions on specific words and word types to learn in the context of SRSing MCDs (a new SRS technique that’s even better than sentences)
AJATT SilverSpoon focuses you on learning the things that real native speakers in real life know and use. None of that “les vacances au bord de la mer” crap they feed you at school.
What Are Actual, Current SilverSpooners Saying?
- From the Mouths of SilverSpoon Babes…
- Sex, Lies and Broken Promises: Battered SilverSpooners Speak Out
Fo’ Shizzle Fluency Guarantee
Guaranteed fluency: if you’re not fluent in Japanese at the end of 595 days of faithfully executing the simple, easy, quick, straightforward sprint missions fed to you daily by AJATT SilverSpoon, you can have a full refund. No questions asked.
In fact, if you just decide partway through that you just don’t like it, you can have your money back. That’s how sure I am this works. That’s how freakin’ cool I am. Just an empty email to < refund at ajatt dot com > , with the following subject: “I want a refund, but I still love you. I care about you. I promise I’ll be back again.” will suffice.
Succeed or get your money back. Fluency or your money back. The days of messing around are over. The people who take your money to help you learn should take responsibility for the results. I mean, I’m almost perfect. But even I’m not all the way there. Things happen. If and when they do, you don’t have to pay for that imperfection.
However. While a freakin’ cool person, I am also a practicing jerk, so there is one condition: the hypothetical refund will only be processed after Day 595 of the process, regardless of the cancellation/request date. There are three major reasons for this:
- To give me time to skip the country with your money and head to my secret villa in Panama with my concubine 1, Esmeralda. What, I never told you about her? Two words: h ot.
- To discourage casual visitors and passers-by from clogging the system with their…casualness and endless billing processing requests. We’re not here to fool around; we’re here to fool around with Japanese.
- To encourage people to be mentally prepared to play this game right through to the fourth quarter. In it to win it, remember? We’re breaking the pots and sinking the ships; we’re taking the option of quitting off the table until the end of the game. You can quit when you’re fluent. No more three-day-monking. Or, if we are three-day-monking, we’re doing it 199 times straight 😉 .
Working definition of fluency:
- Reading: Can read a randomly selected general interest (e.g. newspaper) article aloud.
- Listening/Speaking: Can listen to a randomly selected 60~90-second audio clip from prime-time television and repeat the dialogue.
- Can express ideas directly or via circumlocution (can explain over, around and through any words you momentarily forget or didn’t yet know)
- Writing: Can accurately transcribe a randomly selected audio 60~90-second spoken exchange from prime-time television or radio.
To this working definition, we can also add some items based on Japanese Level Up‘s definition (65/80), because I think it’s a really good one:
- Can understand Japanese TV (95%), Japanese News (95+%), Contemporary Novels (95%)
- Can read and understand Japanese only grammar/usage explanations and dictionary definitions — you use Japanese to learn itself: your Japanese is “self-hosting”
- Don’t yet have a full background of Japanese culture, history, geography and social life in general
- Can read, write and understand whatever an average Japanese high schooler can
- Can read, write and understand whatever an average person in your field of expertise (e.g. college major/profession) can
- On the phone and text chat, people occasionally (though not always) think you’re Japanese
- Some Japanese people think you were raised in Japan, or have lived here for 10+ years, or are part Japanese
- I don’t even know what this word actually means, but it definitely sounds lewd. Plus, the 「hookers and XYZ」 line was getting old… ↩